A New Birth ... Times Two?

I feel the Lord just came over me in a dream. In my dream, I was in a hospital, as a visitor, not a patient. I was standing next to a counter in a room with several people, but I did not know any of them. I was just watching what was going on around me. All of a sudden, a woman walked up next to me. She gave her newborn baby girl a kiss and placed her on the counter. I looked at the baby, then at the mother, and said with a smile, “What a precious baby.” I could tell from the look on the mother’s face that she was leaving her baby there under the Safe Haven Law. I told her I knew that what she was doing was very difficult, and that it would get harder before it got easier. I asked if I could pray for her, and after a moment of hesitation, she nodded. I put my arms around her shoulders and began to pray. I started with something like, “Lord, help this woman to know that she is your precious child.” As I continued to pray, I felt an overwhelming sense of warmth and power flow through me and into her. If I were to have to represent the scene in a movie, I would show it with swirling light and glitter and windchimes, but I did not see that in my dream. I went on praying for the mother and her baby, for peace and comfort, and for both of them to know that they are loved by God. I woke up from my dream, still praying, and I finished my prayer with, “Lord, only you know who that special woman was in my prayer, Please take care of both her and her baby.” I know a connection was just made, and God will put us together at some point. She had blonde hair, darker than Heidi’s, about shoulder length and with more wave. She had a somewhat roundish face, with darker eyes. Her body was of average weight - not skinny, but not overweight. She was a couple of inches shorter than me.

Since February of 2012 (5 Miles Closer to God and Pour Out Your Heart In Prayer), I have just had this feeling that God isn’t finished with our family yet. I know in my heart that a little girl named Abigail will become part of our family at some time. A couple of years ago, Aidan and I were even including her in our bedtime prayers every night. As he has grown older, we have kind of stopped, but maybe this is my wakeup call that I am to start praying for her again.

The Meaning Behind My Kids' Names

When our children were born, we did not put any effort into the Biblical or Spiritual meanings behind our children's names. With Morgan, we struggled much to come to agreement on a name. When we finally found two names we both liked, they happened to be dual-gender, so she was going to be either "Morgan Alexandria" or "Alexander Morgan". "Morgan" means "of the ocean", and I liked that it brought a sense of calm. I'm not sure what "Alexandria" means, but I knew I liked it, especially with "Morgan."

The second time around, again, we were having some difficulty agreeing on names, so I used the internet to find a list of baby names, and we agreed on "Aidan Michael" (we knew he was going to be a boy, so we didn't even choose a girl name). "Aidan" means "fire", which matched the physical change my body went through while I was pregnant with him - from always being cold before I was pregnant to always being hot. I knew "Michael" as a name from the Bible, but did not know its meaning. But "Aidan Michael" rolls off the tongue, so that became his name.

After a couple of years, Bob and I began attending church regularly, and every once in a while, I would find myself thinking about the meanings of my children's names, and wondering why we hadn't gone with Biblical names for them. It was never much more than a fleeting thought, though.

Until yesterday. Aidan was asking me what I thought he would be when he grew up. I told him I didn't know, and we discussed several possibilities. Once again, I found myself thinking about the meanings of their names. Once again, it was just a fleeting thought. Or so I thought. This morning in church, someone came up to the media booth to make a request, and noticed Aidan sitting there with me. As I was working to complete the request, he asked Aidan if there was any story behind his name, and Aidan replied that there wasn't. I mentioned that there was no family story, we just found it on a baby name list, and that it means "fire". That's when he hit me. Not literally, but with his words. He said, "You know, that reminds me of the Methodist symbol - the cross and the fire. And the Holy Spirit is represented by fire as well." With that, he left the booth to sit down for the service. Aidan and I talked a little more about that symbolism, and about the time when he was just beginning to read, and was trying to look up the book of John in the Bible. He asked me "does it come before or after Plasma (Psalms)?" I have always cherished that memory, knowing that God has something special planned for my son.

Now I knew that Aidan was named exactly what God intended, but where did that leave Morgan? And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that her name matches exactly her goals. She wants to teach music to immigrant students in an inner-city, under-privileged setting. Students who come from another country - perhaps from "across the ocean". And at that moment, I realized her name was God-given, as well.

[Ed. 10.13.13] After posting this, I looked up the meaning of their middle names. "Alexandria" is the female form of "Alexander", which means "defender of the people". Of course. "Michael" means "who is like God". Wow.

[Ed. 03.14.17] Reread this again tonight in contemplation, and realized more about this topic. Since I originally wrote this, Morgan has travelled to Tijuana twice as well as Spain. She left Ohio State because she was feeling a particularly strong calling to Tijuana. She now lives in Southern California with several girls she met as missionaries on one of the Tijuana trips, and is working on completing her degree in Spanish. She is truly living up to her name, preparing to bring God's light and grace "across the ocean" to other nations, "defending the people."

Aidan, a sophomore in high school, is very interested being some type of policeman. He definitely has a "fire" for protecting God's people. He is also dating an absolutely wonderful girl whose family went to Brazil on a missions trip over Thanksgiving.

The Lord was truly present in the naming of our children, even though they are not names that are used in the Bible. Thank you Jesus!

Daily Devotions

Jesus Calling,  Feb.  27
KEEP YOUR EYES ON ME!  Waves of adversity are washing over you, and you feel tempted to give up. Add your circumstances consume more and more of your attention, you are losing sight of Me. Yet I am with you always, holding you by your right hand. I am fully are of your situation and I will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able to bear. Your gravest danger is worrying about tomorrow. If you try to carry tomorrow's burdens today, you will stagger and eventually fall flat.

Capture His Heart,  Loc. 1377
Let me encourage you, even if you've found yourself pulling away from your husband and waning in your desire to stay committed, blessings are ahead if you stay true to honoring God in your marriage.

Jesus Calling,  Feb. 28
When I discipline you, it is never in anger or disgust; it is to prepare you for face-to-face fellowship with Me throughout all eternity.

Jesus Calling,  Mar. 1
When something in your life or thoughts makes you anxious, come to me and talk about it. Bring me your prayer and petition with thanksgiving, sing,  "Thank you, Jesus, for this opportunity to trust you more." Though the lessons of trust that I send to you come wrapped in difficulties, the benefits far outweigh the costs."

Jesus Calling,  Mar. 2
The Joy is Mine, and the Glory is Mine; but I bestow them upon you as you live  in My presence, inviting me to live fully in you.

Crossroads

I woke up at 4 am after having a nightmare. In it, I received a phone call that my beloved Nana had died in a car crash. Now this shouldn't have been a nightmare, because Nana died almost 25 years ago. This nightmare didn't cause a startled awakening, but a gradual and fast one. I could feel myself waking up. I couldn't get back to sleep, and wanted to calm myself, but watching Minecraft videos or jumping on Twitter didn't seem right, so I started reading To Heaven and Back: A Doctor's Extraordinary Account of Her Death,  Heaven,  Angels, and Life Again, by Dr. Mary C. Neal.

I had bought the book a couple of weeks ago after seeing a clip on the 700 Club of Dr. Neal telling her story. I had started reading it right away, but life got in the way, and I didn't get very far. This morning, I finished the book. There were so many events in her story that I resonated with. Her foundation in Christianity, but not being very rooted in it as a child; her accounts of God-sightings such as someone holding her while she was drowning (Dad has this same story), the tree and wildflowers blooming immediately after a death, etc.

After finishing the book, I hopped into my favorite place to spend quiet time- a bubble bath- and put on the Christian music I would be playing later today in the service.  I began thinking about recent events. I have been really depressed lately. School is impossible - great kids, great principal, but the stress and responsibilities are horrible. This year has been my hardest ever, and just the thought of the stress of next year, when our pay will be based on the students' online test scores, has me shaking my head in despair.

Bob wanted to shop for new clothes last night. During the trip, he told me about his job possibly changing. He has the option to interview for manager of the department he is currently working in, transfer to another department, or finding a new job. He shared that he is not happy in his current position as he is not able to be creative- it's not fun. I totally understand this feeling- it's the same feeling I had back in 1998 when I quit my computer job and went back to school to be a teacher. He did not enjoy managing people when he tried it back in 2008,and knew it was not what he wanted today. He also told me he really does not want to transfer to the other department because it would be boring. His only other choice would be to interview with another company. This is huge, based on his insecurity and resistance to change.

I realized we are at a crossroads in our lives. I want to follow God's path for us. I feel God is orchestrating a life change in both of us, but what does this entail? A possible move to Haiti? How would that affect Morgan and Aidan? I thought more about this.

Morgan is very social, self-confident, and strong. Her "God-time" is in her friends and social life - she would be fine if we were in another country. With her trip to Tijuana, she is beginning her own ministry even before she goes to college.

Aidan is very private, needs the support of his family more than friends at school. He would do fine to be with us, studying online or privately. His "God-time" is with family and private surroundings and situations.

How does Abigail play into this??

I want Bob to get past his dislike of Chiv and really *listen* to what God is telling him. I want him to look for tangible signs, like the owl. I wish he would believe in these, but to my knowledge, he doesn't. He always makes fun of me when I talk about anything like that.

He didn't go to church today, but the sermon and tonight's Bible study were about serving. I don't think this was any coincidence. This prayer was recited aloud tonight by our group,but I think it was for my/our benefit (though once again, he want present at Bible Study):

Father, we want to live our lives to please you. We want to walk through each day depending on your power, looking for your hand, and listening for the still, small voice of your guidance. Use us for your kingdom's purposes. Nudge us into greater acts of faith. Call us to a deeper level of trust. Soften our hearts, O Lord, so that we may live worthy of your calling and fulfill your highest purposes for our lives. We pray these things in the name of Jesus, and for the glory of your kingdom. Amen.

Daily Devotions

Jesus Calling,  Feb 25

"Do not bolt into the day like a racehorse suddenly released. Instead, walk purposefully with me, letting me direct your course one step at a time."

Jesus Calling,  Feb. 26
"I am leading you, step-by-step, through your life. You're future looks uncertain and feels flimsy - even precarious. That is the way it should be. Relax and enjoy the journey in My presence, trusting Me to open up the way before you as you go."

Psalm 32:8
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.

Love Dare, Day 21
"now is the time to form up one thing in your mind: you need God every single day. Because He alone can satisfy. Walking with Him is not a part-time proposition."

Dear Heavenly Father,
Forgive me today for straying from You lately. Help me to stay in Your Word daily, and look for peace in You rather than my situation. Help me to keep my time with You a priority, above all else. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Daily Devotions

Jesus Calling,  Feb. 24

"Be still in my presence, while I communicate My love to you. There is no force in the universe more powerful than My love."

Recently, I feel as though there is a dark cloud looming above my head, and I can't get out from under it. I feel so much stress from daily life (see Facebook, Feb. 18, 2013), from preparing for Morgan to leave home (which he loves to tease me about, trying to make me cry- maybe I should cry once, just so he'll stop), all the testing and RTI and teacher pay nonsense at school (which he won't let me talk about, because he views it as complaining), this house feels like it's doing me in. I have found myself wondering lately if the End really is near, with as many problems and stress and evil as I've encountered recently.

"Now you see through a glass, darkly,  but someday you will see Me face-to-face."

My spiritual journey is in Neutral right now. I have let sleep and daily life get in the way of my quiet time, and I have not been dwelling in God's Word like I should. I cannot see His face clearly right now.

Capture His Heart: Becoming the Godly Woman Your Husband Desires,  Loc. 1269

"I prayed that God would honor my decision to honor my commitment. The more I focused on Good and not my marriage, the more God filled in the gaps. ... He helped me love my husband, even though I did not feel like it. Over time I witnessed a miracle take place in my husband. Good changed him, softened him, and revealed to him the way he should treat me."

Lord, please honor and bless my decision to honor my commitment and not give up on him or You.

Eph. 4:2 "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love."

This verse came up several times today. Apparently I need more patience, although I thought I was good in that area.

LoveDareTest.com

"remain patient, until they see the need for change themselves"

The Love Dare, Day 19

"The love you used to feel coursing through your veins has turned to apathy."

David spoke in the message today about feeling like it's not a marriage anymore, but a roommate. I remember Kathy saying the same thing about Bob Sr. This is how I've felt for many years.

Acts 3:19
"repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord.

God Tugs At My Heartstrings Again

Yesterday, Bob and Aidan were at GenCon, so Morgan and I had a girls' day of school shopping and lunch. Then she wanted to go see a movie. Now, movies are usually not my idea of fun; usually I consider them a waste of time because at the movie theater I can't multitask. Yesterday was no different, although I had seen a preview that I thought looked good. Well, she talked me into going to see The Odd Life of Timothy Green with her.

The story is about a couple who are told they cannot have children. As they are coming to terms with this fact, they make a list of all the the best qualities they would have liked their child to have, and bury it in a box in the yard. That night, Timothy appears, the embodiment of all they had wished for in their child. Over a few short months, they come to know and love him, but soon he must go back to the earth from which he came. The story ends with the couple adopting a little Asian girl named Lily.

The end of the movie made me realize that God had brought me to this movie for a reason. I had not thought about little Abigail all summer, and He was reminding me of my failure to do so. I need to keep her at the forefront of my heart until she is home with us. I had much trouble controlling my tears as the movie ended.